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On Being Content

More and more lately I feel like I'm on a merry go round. Except mine is on steroids!
I was afraid that working at a library would sap all my enjoyment of them, and sadly it is beginning to do just that. I find so many books I want to read, and I even take some home, but I can't possibly read them all. I wish my hours were more in line with my kids being at school. It really steals all the energy out of me to miss seeing my kids after school. By the time I get home all the things they wanted to tell me about school are forgotten. When I get home I have to make dinner and begin harping on them for chores and soon schoolwork.
But for now anyway we need the money so there is no other option. I keep hoping a job will open up that will have earlier hours. I applied for one, but I didn't get interviewed. I find myself wanting to be Molly Mormon. I really just want to take care of my house and family. And the better my relationship with my husband gets, the more I want it.
I just read this great article about priorities and feeling content. It's good food for thought. We too are trying to get out of debt. I find that I still crave "stuff" and wanting to just spend money on the fantasy of the perfect life. You know, the perfect bedspread, paint colors, curtains, and rugs, or the new kitchen gadget that supposedly will make your life easier. (Really it only gets harder, because then you feel obligated to use the stupid thing!).
I want time to have a garden, both flowers and food. I want to have an organized household. I want to make good decent meals that the family will gather to eat and talk. I want to do laundry and get all the spots out! But I also want to have time to enjoy those things. Who has time to enjoy their lives any more? Women are all trying to have their cake and eat it too. We want to have the expensive lifestyle and a career while having time to enjoy it. We just can't have it all! I just can't have it all. Somehow I need to accept that and be happy with what I do have...
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